What can you do when you have a potential rival, who's more confident, more laidback, more physically attractive, a few years older, and as keen on the girl as you are?

Really, this was inevitable. I had only endured one half of the rejection process, and it was always going to be the second half that hurt more. That bit where she finds someone else.

It's like a knife to the heart. I'm not good enough. He is. He can achieve what I want so much, because he's better than I am. The feelings inside me are a mixture of hurt, jealousy, and resentment.

Flipside: I love her. I want her to be happy. I am unable to provide that happiness - should I be upset because someone else can?

Not really. Rationally, I should accept this. Irrationally, I am unable to.

You know, it could be a good thing. The ambiguity (to a degree) of the situation has contributed to the prolonging of my feelings, long after they should have been abandoned. A finalisation, and this would certainly be one, could serve as a cessation of my anguish.

Of course, there is no certainty that he will have any more luck in his pursuit than I have. However, he has something I never had - a real shot. Whether or not anything comes of it, I have to realise the inevitability of this... it will happen some day, if not with this guy, then with someone else. And, when that happens, I must somehow push my heavy, confused, upset emotions under the surface, and wear a smile on the outside for her.

And meanwhile, I will continue on in my own quest.